Your People Won't Find Themselves

Social connection belongs in a dementia risk-reduction plan. If your circle has grown smaller, a shared interest can give you a place to begin. No social-butterfly credentials required.

Have you found your people?

The ones who share your interests. Recognize your face. Notice when you miss a meeting. Ask how things went with that thing you were worried about last week.

Those connections matter to your brain health.

The 2024 Lancet Commission identifies social isolation in later life as a potentially modifiable risk factor for dementia. Building regular social contact is one meaningful action you can take as part of a dementia risk-reduction strategy.

Lovely. But what if your calendar isn't exactly overflowing with invitations?

Making friends as an adult rarely happens while you're at home waiting for someone to ring the doorbell.

Unless you count the delivery driver. And while we appreciate that relationship, you may need a few more.

Why Your Brain Needs Other People

A conversation gives your brain plenty to do. Listen. Recall a name. Follow a story. Find the words for your reply. Notice that your friend is joking before offering a deeply serious answer.

In a 28-year study of social contact and cognition, more frequent social contact at age 60 was associated with a lower risk of developing dementia. More frequent contact in midlife was also associated with better later cognitive performance.

The researchers suggested that social contact may help build cognitive reserve, the brain's capacity to function despite age-related changes or disease. The study found an association; it didn't prove that joining a club prevents dementia.

Still, regular connection deserves a place alongside movement, nourishing meals, and your other brain health habits.

For more on maintaining those connections, see my article called Time with Friends May Build Cognitive Reserve.

This article is about finding a place to start.

Start With an Interest, Not a Room Full of Strangers

“Go meet people” is remarkably unhelpful advice.

Where? Doing what? And must there be name tags?

Start with something you enjoy, or something you've been curious about.

Think back. What fascinated you before work, caregiving, and the laundry took over? Gardening? Animals? Music? Photography? Hiking? Making things? Helping someone learn?

Resurrect a childhood passion. Or, a new interest works, too.

Choose an activity that gives you something to do together. Conversation can begin with the task in front of you.

“What are you planting?” is an easier opening than “Please become my friend.”

Find Somewhere You Can Return

Look for an activity that meets regularly:

• A walking group with a pace and route that suit you.

• A library book discussion, class, or craft group.

• A community garden or volunteer team.

• A faith community, if that is meaningful to you.

• An alumni chapter, music group, or local interest club.

Your library, parks department, community center, and local organizations are good places to look. Their online calendars can help you find classes and activities close to home.

Two websites can also help you get started:

• Meetup: Search by interest and city or ZIP code for groups built around walking, books, photography, games, and other activities. Look for one that meets regularly.

• Idealist Volunteer Opportunities: Search for volunteer opportunities by location and interest. Ask about recurring roles where you can work alongside others. A shared task gives you something to talk about besides the weather.

Check the cost, schedule, accessibility, and transportation before choosing. A group across town at an impossible hour is unlikely to become part of your routine.

Pick somewhere you can realistically return. Familiarity has a chance to grow when you see the same people again.

Give the First Visit a Modest Job

The first visit doesn't need to produce a best friend.

Let it answer a few simpler questions: Did I enjoy the activity? Was someone welcoming? Would I like to try this again?

Contact the organizer beforehand if walking in alone feels awkward. Ask what to expect and whether someone can greet you.

Once you're there, introduce yourself to one person. Ask one question. Learn one name.

You may feel a little uncomfortable. That doesn't automatically mean you've chosen the wrong group.

If the experience is reasonably welcoming, consider going back. If the group feels dismissive or simply doesn't suit you, try another.

You are looking for connection, not auditioning for acceptance.

I Had to Put Myself Out There, Too

I once joined my church and committed to a committee role in my Tri Delta alumni chapter in one fell swoop.

Apparently, I don't always ease into things.

Those choices gave me places to participate and people to get to know through a shared purpose.

You don't need to copy my committee enthusiasm. Attending a meeting is a perfectly respectable beginning. So is helping with one small task.

A role can come later, once you know whether the group deserves a spot on your calendar.

Make Connection Fit Your Life

Retirement, a move, caregiving, or losing someone close can change your social world. Finding new connections takes effort, especially when you're already carrying a great deal.

Choose a manageable version.

If transportation or mobility limits your options, look for an interactive online group, a telephone discussion group, or an activity close to home. Choose opportunities where you can talk and participate, rather than simply watch.

If hearing difficulties make groups exhausting, ask about a quieter setting and discuss your hearing needs with your clinician.

And, if you prefer a small group to a crowded event, choose the small group.

The goal is regular, meaningful contact. You don't need a packed calendar.

One Simple Action

Choose one interest and find one group that meets around it.

Then take one concrete step: email the organizer, call for details, or put the next meeting on your calendar.

Your first visit doesn't have to change your life.

It just needs to get you through the door.

References

1. Livingston G, Huntley J, Liu KY, et al. Dementia prevention, intervention, and care: 2024 report of the Lancet standing Commission. The Lancet. 2024;404(10452):572–628.

2. Sommerlad A, Sabia S, Singh-Manoux A, Lewis G, Livingston G. Association of social contact with dementia and cognition: 28-year follow-up of the Whitehall II cohort study. PLOS Medicine. 2019;16(8):e1002862.

This article is for educational and informational purposes. It does not replace individualized medical evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment. See the complete Disclaimer.